Honesty is anaspect of integrity that is often sorely neglected. Today, there aremany examples of how the lack of honesty is tolerated, and perhaps evenencouraged. It used to be that you either had money or you didnot.
When you bought something and the bill came, you had to pay it or therewas an immediate problem. There were only two alternatives: you took careof your debts, or you were a thief. Some people would literally take theirown lives if they couldnot honor their debts.
Arguably, that is not exactly true any longer. Many peopledonotfeel the same kind of personal responsibility about paying debtspromptly, if at all. Today, of course, we can put off paying for our purchases aslong as we can make the minimum payment on our credit cards.
We can avoid the pain that comes with having to dole out hard cash forsomething, the pain of maybe having to give something up in order to havethis thing; we can put it off indefinitely as “plastic debt.” There is going tobe a high rate of interest on that debt, and the balance due can quicklymount up, but most people donot even think about that. It is a price they arewilling to pay in order to have exactly what they want right now – immediate gratification.
Scott Peck says that “Once we truly believe that life is difficult – once we truly understand and accept it – then life is no longer difficult. Because once it is accepted, the fact that life is difficult no longer matters.” He believes that discipline is the basic set of tools required to solve life’s problems. That set of tools includes delaying of gratification.
To him, delaying gratification is a process of scheduling the pain and pleasure of life in such a way as to enhance the pleasure by meeting and experiencing the pain first and getting it over with. “It is the only decent way to live,” Dr. Peck emphasizes.
Jim Rohn offers some good advice about avoiding what he callsa “bankrupt character.”
Pay your ethical debts. Keep your integrity in the black. Face ugly realitieswith the truth as soon as they appear. When you feel that temptation tohedge, resist it immediately. Donot treat it casually, treat it like a firethat you have got to put out before it burns your house down or fills the wholeplace up with so much smoke that you cannot see where you are goinganymore. Because that is exactly what will happen when your ethical capitalruns out: you just will not be able to see where you are going, and no one willbe able to find you.
Here is another way that being untruthful is like buying on credit: they areboth addictive. At first, they are both so easy, they leave you wanting more.
Any addictive behavior offers a simple, short-term escape from a problem,but that escape becomes more and more complicated as time goes on. Lyingcan get extremely complicated. You have got to have an outstanding memoryto be a good liar. You always have to create more lies that are consistentwith the one you told in the first place. We have sometimes beencaught up in a little dilemma like that. Shakespeare had it right all along:“What a tangled web we weave when first we practice to deceive.”
You may think this exposition is being a little harsh. Are we really saying that inevery instance you have got to tell the truth, the whole truth, and nothing butthe truth? If somebody asks me, “How are you today?” I am supposed to say,“Well, to be honest with you, I have a sore finger, last night I had aheadache, and I have got to admit that my foot hurts a little… ”?
No, that is not what is being suggested. In fact, Rohn thinks there are many times when someflexibility with the whole truth and nothing but the truth is called for,especially when it comes to tactfulness with others. “Outright lying, however—planned lying, lying with an ulterior motive, lying for personal gain—is definitely something to be avoided.”
So he makes a clear distinction between what he calls“foolish lying,” andlying that is downright evil and poisonous to the character.
Boasting, bombast, blarney, bragging—these are all the same thing.They are always floating around in the atmosphere and they can affect you atany time, like catching a cold. They are mostly harmless, unless you startbuilding your relationships around them.Some other guy scored the winninggoal back in high school, but you arewatching aHearts-Kotoko match with your neighbor, and you say that you did it.That is pretty harmless.
You donot really know Dr. Mensah, the CEO of XYZ Corporation, you were justintroduced to him one time, but the client you are trying to impress has nevereven shaken hands with him, so here is a chance to score some points. That ispretty harmless, too.
All of this, Rohn says, is “childish trash talk,” and it is usually spontaneous. It comes fromsuccumbing to a moment of social pressure, and it probably will not hurt withsuch casual acquaintances. But he gives a word of warning: “donot try to buildlong-term, meaningful relationships with half-truths. They simply donotprovide a very good foundation.”
In any case, this kind of bragging and blarney should be distinguished fromwhat is considered real lying. Real lying isnot like putting bills on the creditcard; real lying is like theft. In opinion of many, a key element in this kind ofreal lying is the presence of planning and premeditation.
If a supervisor in a corporation steals one of his subordinate’s ideas andsubmits that idea to the CEO as his own, that is lying. And that kind of lyingis theft. It is not only theft of the subordinate’s idea, it is stealing from theCEO, too—it is stealing the CEO’s sense of reality. It is creating an illusion.
If someone falsifies an earnings report to inflate the price of a company’sstock that is deliberately creating a mirage in the minds of investors. In thereal world, both these examples have taken place and, many times, lives andcareers have been ruined.
Ultimately, those who engage in serious lying andunethical behavior get caught one way or the other. Usually, the people whoare being deceived awaken from the illusions that have been foisted uponthem. But even if this never happens, the “criminal” has to invest so much of himself into the illusion thathis own sense of reality is eroded. By trying to delude other people, you endup losing your own sense of reality.
Rohn believes that all of it—small-time lying and big-time deceit—comes from fear.Somebody is afraid the truth about themselves isnot good enough, so theydepart from the truth. Somebody fears they cannot really come up with ideasof their own, so they steal somebody else’s ideas. Or they fear theircompany isnot really going to succeed, so they come up with a way toinflate the share prices. It is really cowardice.
Honesty means fearing the temptation to misrepresent who you are or whatyou have done. It means fearing the loss of relationships that are so vital toyour success. It means fearing the lack of trust you may elicit from others.
So trust who you really are. Trust your ability to earn the respect of others.Pay whatever price the truth costs. Pay that bill immediately, because in thelong run, it is a real bargain.
BY CAPTAIN SAM ADDAIH RTD
