Discipline is the means for solving life’s problems. All discipline is a form of submission. The discipline to discern what we are or are not responsible for is most crucial, since we must go through the existential suffering of choosing when and what to submit to and what not to submit to, whether that is our own ego, love, God, or even the forces of evil.
For instance, when we are young, we more or less have to submit to our parents or other caretakers. However, as we grow into adulthood, we have to make decisions about when and how to submit to our parents and when and how not to – and particularly to their values.
Not all submission is good, Dr. Scott Peck believes. “To totally submit to one’s parents in adulthood would be destructive, every bit as destructive as to submit to a cult.” We must figure out to what extent we are going to submit to society and to what extent we are going to disagree with society and what extent we are going to submit to society, just as we must choose our values every step of the way. “Ultimately, we have to choose whether or not to submit to God and, indeed even choose the kind of God we are going to submit to.”
Dr. Peck applies the term “higher-power” in such instances. The term implies that there is something “higher” than us as individuals and that is appropriate to submit ourselves to that something higher, be it love, light, truth, or God. He is of the opinion that “Thy will, not mine, be done” is glorious expression of desire for such submission and the key word is “will.”
Submission implies an effective submission of human will to something higher than itself. “God is light, God is love, and God is truth.”People need not be believers in God, Dr. Peck stipulates, but if they are to be healthy, they must submit themselves to these attributes of God.
Submission to the light might be defined as submission to the choice of consciousness and hence, sight – both external sight and, particularly, insight. Then there is the choice of whether to submit to love or not – that is not simplistic. Love is often very subtle and mysterious.
In his book “The Road Less Traveled,” Dr. Peck defines love as the will to extend oneself for the purpose of nurturing one’s own or another’s spiritual growth. This definition is an acknowledgment that love is far broader than romance, marriage, or parenting. “Monks and nuns,” for example, “do not have those, but many are great lovers in the true sense of the word.”
There are numerous paradoxes related to love that test the myths and common thinking in our culture. Dr. Peck, in discussing love, begins speaking about all that genuine love is NOT (such as romance) in order to order to combat cultural stereotypes. “For instance, we have all been told that it is better to give than to receive. I believe it would be more appropriate to say that it is just as good to receive as to it is to give. Yet many have neurotic guilt over this issue and feel compelled to live up to cultural or religious ideals about charity that potentially promote more bitterness and friction than love in the true sense.”
One reason people have a hard time receiving is that they feel manipulated, as if they will forever owe someone. For some people, it is even obligatory to discount any compliments or good news due to upbringing and culture. “The inability to receive love is almost as destructive as the inability to give it.”
We have also been taught that “love is gentle, love is kind” – and yet there are times when we must display what is called tough love. Love is often ambiguous; sometimes it requires tenderness and sometimes it requires being stern. The reality is that we cannot love well if we are constantly extending ourselves to others and not nurturing ourselves. “Submission to love does not mean being a doormat. Just as throughout our lives we must choose what is and what is not our responsibility, so we must choose, even if we are submitted to love, when to love others and when to love ourselves.”
The key to loving is to work on oneself. We cannot begin to love others well until we lovingly work on ourselves. In many relationships, you will find people trying to heal and convert each other in the name of love. Our attempts to heal and convert another are usually selfish, controlling, and non-loving despite all the ways we might think otherwise.
SUBMISSION TO TRUTH
Furthermore, there is the matter of submission to the truth, which is far more complex and demanding that merely scientifically proven facts or following the scientific method in a laboratory. Dr. Scott Peck professes that dedication to reality – to the truth – as one of the four basic disciplines of living well. Speaking of this discipline, he notes that occasionally withholding portion of the truth may be the loving thing to do. Nevertheless, he posits that even this tiny of “fudging” with the truth is so potentially dangerous. “The fact is that withholding a key piece of truth from others is often at least as deceptive as an outright black lie. Such lying is not just unloving; it is ultimately hateful. Every instance of it adds to the darkness and confusion in the world.”
Conversely, speaking the truth – particularly when it requires some risk to do so – is an act of love. “It diminishes the darkness and confusion, increasing the light the world so desperately needs.” When we lie, we are usually attempting to avoid responsibility for our actions and what we imagine to be their painful consequences. But we must face the music. “For when we do submit ourselves to the dictates of honesty, we are in harmony with reality and our lives, although never painless, will become increasingly melodic.”
Speaking of the choice for truth in this way seems to suggest that lying were something we primarily do to other. Not so. Our even greater proclivity is for lying to ourselves. Of course, the two types of dishonesty feed off each other in an ever-escalating orgy of deception. But while we can deceive some of the people some of time, our capacity for self-deception is potentially unlimited as long as we are willing to pay the price for evil or insanity – these are ultimately the costs.
“Self-deception is not a matter of being kind or gentle with oneself; on the contrary, it is a hateful as lying to others, and or the same reason; it adds to the darkness and confusion of the self. Conversely, the choice to be honest with oneself is the choice of psycho-spiritual health and therefore the single most loving choice we can make for ourselves.”
In the realm of personal belief, we are faced with many complex choices, and the certainties of science cannot readily be relied upon. If we choose to believe something is true, is it therefor true? If so, submitting to the truth would be nothing more than submitting to ourselves. Since God is synonymous with truth, in choosing to submit to God we are submitting to a truth higher than ourselves. Human beings are endowed with the freedom to choose, as such can submit to the wrong things. Dr. Peck explains that there are only states of being: submission to God and goodness, or the refusal to submit to anything beyond one’s will, which automatically enslaves on the forces of evil. C.S. Lewis observes aptly: “There is no neutral ground in the universe: every square inch, every split second is claimed by God and counterclaimed by Satan.” Perhaps we may feel that we can stand exactly between God and the devil, uncommitted either to goodness or to evil. However, “Not to choose is to choose.” Fence straddling eventually becomes intolerable and the choice of un-submission is ultimately invalid.
BY CAPTAIN SAM ADDAIH
RTD
