Part of the complexity of life, Dr. Scott Peck believes, is that one and the same time we are individuals, members of family and work organizations, and members of society. Indeed, it is almost arbitrary to separate these categories. However, it is sometimes necessary to make such arbitrary distinctions in order to talk about anything in detail and depth, he opines. “The most critical of the many choices that we make as individuals in our hearts and minds is consciousness.”
As always, Dr. Peck stipulates, consciousness precedes choice, without it there is no choice. Thus, the single most important personal choice that we can make in our lives is the choice for ever-increasing consciousness. “Consciousness, however, does not make choices easy. To the contrary, it multiples the options.
To give an example of the complexity of choices, consider how we might deal with our anger. In the midbrain, there are collection of nerve centers that not only govern but also actually produce our powerful emotions. According to Dr. Peck the anger center in humans works in exactly, the same way as it does in other creatures. “It is basically a territorial mechanism, firing off when any other creature impinges upon our territory. We are not different from a dog fighting another dog that wanders into its territory, except that for human beings definitions of territory – or boundaries – are so complex and multifaceted.”
Not only do we have a geographical territory and become angry when someone comes uninvited onto our property and starts picking our flowers, but we also have a psychological territory, and we become angry whenever anyone criticizes us. “We also have theological or an ideological territory and we tend to become angry whenever anyone casts aspersions on our belief systems, even when the critic is a stranger to us and speaking into a microphone thousands of miles away.”
Since our anger center is firing much of the time, often very inappropriately – sometimes based on perceived rather than actual, infringements – we need to be flexible in dealing with situations that easily provoke our wrath. We must learn a whole complex set of ways of dealing with anger.
Sometimes we need to think, “My anger is silly and immature. It is my fault.” Or sometimes we should conclude, “This person did impinge upon my territory, but it was an accident and there is no reason to get angry about it.” Or, “Well, he did violate my territory a little bit, but it is no big deal. It is not worth blowing up about.”But every once in a while, after we think about it for a couple of days, we may discern that someone really did seriously violate our territory. Then it may be necessary to go to the person and say, “Listen, I have got a real bone to pick with you.” In addition, sometimes it might even be necessary to get angry immediately and blast that person right on the spot.
Therefore, there are at least five different ways to respond when we are angry. Moreover, not only do we need to know them, we also have to learn which response is appropriate in any given situation. This requires extraordinary consciousness of what is going on both inside and outside or ourselves.
“In fact, it is the ability to learn how to deal with all the problems and challenges of life in a constructive manner that defines psycho-spiritual progress. Conversely, that which refuses progress is in opposition to our growth and ultimately self-destructive.”
THE PATH OF SMART SELFISHNESS
To grow, we must learn to discern between that which is self-destructive and that which is self-constructive. We human beings are not unselfish. Buttressing this concept of what is termed rational selfishness; Dr. Scott Peck says that we are totally selfish human beings. When we water our flowers, we do not say to them, “Oh look, flowers, what I am doing for you. You ought to be grateful to me.” We do it because we like pretty flowers. Similarly, when we extend ourselves to our children it is because we like to have an image of ourselves in our mind as reasonably decent father and a reasonably honest man. In order to maintain those images side by side with any integrity, every so often we extend ourselves beyond what we might normally feel like doing. Besides, we also love pretty children.
The truth is that we rarely do anything without some gain or benefit to ourselves, however, small or subtle. Donating to charity makes me feel good. Someone who claims to be “sacrificing” a well-paying job right out of undergraduate school in order to go on to law school so that she can “better serve society” is also better serving herself. A woman who “sacrifices” by staying at home to raise her children rather than going out to work may do so because she “she believes in family,” but she also benefits from this decision. We can look at monks and nuns and think, “God, how unselfish they are. Look at all that they have to sacrifice: sex, family life, personal property ownership, and in some ways, even autonomy over their own lives.” Nevertheless, they are in it for the same selfish reason as anyone else. They have decided that for them that is the best path toward joy.
Therefore, selfishness is not always a simple matter. What Dr. Peck advises is that we distinguish between “the path of smart selfishness and the path of stupid selfishness.”
The path of stupid selfishness, he opines, is trying to avoid all pain. The path of smart selfishness is trying to discern which pain or suffering, particularly emotional suffering, is constructive and what is unconstructive.
Constructive suffering – also called existential suffering – is an inherent part of our existence and cannot be legitimately avoided. For example, the suffering involved in growing up and learning to be independent; the suffering involved in learning how to become interdependent and even become dependent again; the suffering that is associated with loss and giving up; the suffering of old age and dying. From all these kinds of suffering, we have a great deal to learn.
Unconstructive suffering – also called neurotic suffering – on the other hand, is that emotional suffering which is not an inherent part of existence. It is unconstructive and unnecessary, and rather than enhancing, our existence impedes it. What we need to do with this suffering is get rid of it. “It is just too much excess baggage.”
Let us look at anxiety – a painful feeling. Although it may be painful, we need a certain amount of anxiety to function well. The anxiety of getting lost is what prompts us to seek directions in an unknown area.
However, an amount of anxiety above and beyond that, which, rather than enhancing our existence impedes it – getting so anxious that at every turn you stop and seek another direction. “This kind of phobic anxiety, rather than enhancing our existence, limits it and is clearly neurotic.”
Dr. Scott Peck reiterates that life is difficult because it is a series of problems, and the process of confronting and solving problems is a painful one. Problems, depending on their nature, evoke in us many uncomfortable feelings: frustration, grief, sadness, loneliness, guilt, regret, anger, fear, anxiety, anguish, or despair. “These feelings are often as painful as any kind of suffering. Indeed, it is because of the pain that events or conflicts engender in us that we call them problems.”
Yet it is in this whole process of meeting and solving problems, that life finds its meaning. Problems call forth our courage and wisdom. Problems are the cutting edge that distinguishes between success and failure. “It is only because of problems that we grow mentally and spiritually.”
BY CAPTAIN SAM ADDAIH
RTD.
