The Founder of Single Parenting With Purpose (SPWP), a support group for single parents, Josephine Alai has advised single parents who wish to get married to have some financial backing even if their partner was well to do.
“Do not get into marriage with the intention that it would solve all your financial problems because even if the person you are marrying has all the money in the world, he or she could get tired at a point and this would not be good for you and your children,” she explained.
In an interview with the Ghanaian Times on Sunday, about what Single Parents could do to make lives better for themselves and their children, Mrs Alai said it was unfortunate that some women perceived marriage as an opportunity to lay all their burdens on the husband, and so practically go into matrimony “empty handed.”
“You hear some women say, I want to get married so that everything will be okay but that is not true because marriage does not make everything okay unless you also play your part seriously,” she said.
She said everyone who had children from a previous relationship and was serious about getting married, must be financially sound to have some self-worth otherwise they were likely to have a lot of emotional issues.
“I am not saying have all the money in the world but whether you are a man or woman, you must have something doing so that you could also be relevant in the home,” she said.
The Founder of Single Parenting With Purpose said it was misplaced for anyone to have thought that their husband or wife owed them a responsibility to take care of them and their children from a previous relationship.
“If the person offers to do so, see that as a privilege and not a right,” she advised.
She said a Single Parent must be able to provide the basic needs of him or herself and his or her children whether they were being brought into the marriage or living elsewhere so that they do not have unnecessary interference from their previous partners.
She said it was also important to set boundaries so that everyone knew their limit.
“They have to know when to call or visit and also respect the spaces of the husband or wife because it is rude to have your child or children’s father or mother badging into your home without notice because they either want to see their child or you failed to honour your financialobligations,” she explained.
Mrs Alai said some marriages were having needless challenges because the previous partners felt entitled and so could make demands at will and therefore compromising the sanity of the marriage.
“Much as it is always important that you choose a level headed person who could accommodate you and your children, it is equally important that you also act reasonably so that you do not disrespect your spouse,” she said.
FROM DZIFA TETTEH TAY, TEMA